I have been thinking hard and long about a subject: Changing my family tree. I have been thinking about different aspects of what that could mean. It has to be about more than just individuals that make up the tree.
I automatically visualize a tree with names and lines drawn to other names to show parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles, cousins, siblings, children as far back as we can trace. But as I contemplate on the subject I think about the ones I have known in my lifetime. I look at the names and see fame, fortune, abuse, alcoholism, kindness, love, spirituality, acceptance, obsessiveness and many other pronouns that describe those individuals.
As I stumble to try and say what is in my mind, I hope you will see what is in my heart. As we raise a family, those children meet someone, marry and continue the process of being part of another family. As those families come together we see that we do not always agree on how everything is to be done, partially because of what we perceive as normal from how we were taught to do it. Neither is right or wrong, just different.
As I look back on my grandparents, I realize that I only knew them from the standpoint of a young child. I spent quite a bit of time with them until the age of eighteen, but left home and never really returned to get to know them from an adult standpoint.
I know for myself, that I made a commitment that I would have a home that was calm and inviting. I wanted those who entered my door to feel welcomed. I wanted them to have a comfortable place to sleep if they were spending the night. I don’t know exactly where I got my commitment from, maybe partially from what I was taught and also different from the environment I grew up in. I look at family and have come to the realization that I do not have to have everything the way my parents or Steve’s parents set up their home life to be. I can be different, hopefully taking some of what I have seen, grab the best of it all, and make my life, hoping that my children will take the best of what they see in me and their dad and work to make it stronger, and leave the negative behind!
In writing this, I will challenge you to look at your life as you know it, your parents, your grandparents and pick out the best, leave the worst and set forth to make a better life for you, your spouse and children, if you have them. Ask yourself questions: Do I want to be like my parents, my grandparents, my aunts and uncles when I am their age? Depending on your answer…then what are you doing to make that happen? Do I like how they treat each other? Do I like how they talk to each other? What you see is not “normal” except for the fact that it is your perception of normal.
In closing this chapter, I hope to challenge you to investigate every aspect of your life and see if your “normal” matches up to your spiritual beliefs. There are so many verses in the Bible that teach us what normal should be. "A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. John 13:34. Ephesians 5:25-27 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ also loved the church and gave Himself up for her; 26 that He might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, 27 that He might present to Himself the church in all her glory, having no spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that she should be holy and blameless.
My challenge to myself is to take a good hard look at what I perceive as normal, and set out to make it even better. I feel like I have a good marriage, because I see mine as better than what I perceive as normal. But there is always room to make it better. Aspects that I intend to work on include, personal relationship, finances, attitude, physical being, and spiritual being.
I am excited to venture into this year and begin chiseling away at my perception of “Normal”!
Wednesday, February 15, 2012
Monday, March 14, 2011
You Get One Chance At This Thing Called Life!
After a long hard weekend of dealing with “stuff” I am totally drained. I know that when I am handed a situation that I take on more of it than I should, but that is who I am. I don’t necessarily want to fix it, but I want to help those who are involved to work their way through it.
I have been thinking about some young adults that are connected to me through family and visualizing their lives 20 years from now. As to whether I am here to see that depends on when I am called to go home.
I guess what I have been able to grasp is that we get one shot at this thing called life. How we handle ourselves and those connected to us will be the legacy that we leave behind. I think about several celebrity stars that have already left this physical world. There are singers such as Elvis and Michael Jackson. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear their name? Then there is Mother Theresa, and my not so famous grandmothers Virgie Nivens and Euna Gowdy. I think about the legacy they have left behind. Mother Theresa had such a passion for those in poverty. I just get a little overwhelmed when I think about all that she did while here for her span of life (1910-1997) on this earth. I think about my grandma Gowdy (1904-2002). She and Papaw gave birth to 5 children, 12 grandchildren, and a host of great, and great-great grandchildren. Their legacy lives on… and on….and on.¬ I sometimes wonder if I do justice to living up to my heritage. I know that my grandparents were very well known in their community. They supported their church, helped out their neighbors and worked in their community. They knew how to work hard, how to plan and have fun and when to take time to rest.
I look at the high tech world that we have evolved into and I wonder if we truly know how to do these things. We go to work, play more on Facebook than we work, grab a quick lunch (inhale what we call fast food!) shuffle through the afternoon and hurry to get home before the traffic has us locked in! We go home, change into comfy clothes and collapse and just want to veg-out! Now that is the good life, right?
Our week consists of 168 hours, minus approximately 56 hours to sleep. If you work 40 hours and just add 10 for commute we have approximately 60 hours to do something with. Bear with me, my point is that we have a lot of hours to do something in our lives that will be what we leave as our legacy. As I start to peel back the onion and we start to discover who we are, I will start with 56 hours of sleep. I don’t want to be harsh, but who do you sleep with? Are you single and therefore sleep by yourself? Are you married and you get to curl up next to your one and only, the one you made a commitment to be with for the rest of your life? I will leave it up to you as to what the other options are.
As we move through the day, we work approximately 8-9 hours a day. Let me clarify that, we are at work 8-9 hours a day. Questions arise as to how much of that time is actually spent “working”. Do you see yourself giving your best to this time? I believe in having fun and enjoying work, but FB isn’t work! Integrity used to be a quality that we all worked to have as a part of our resume. I don’t know if that word still exists as criteria for getting a job, or does it just come into play when something is missing!
As I think about the hours that we continue to fill our time with, that is what we are leaving as a legacy. If I spend time with my spouse, time with the needy, time with children ( mine or not mine), time with elderly, time in the bar, time with the slot machines, time with buddies, all of this adds up to who I am and what I am leaving behind.
You get one chance at this. Don’t blow it by spending time in places where no one really knows who you are, no one really cares who you are or when you will come back. Spend your time wisely with those you love and those who care if you come and go in their lives. Those are the people who will allow your legacy to live on after you are gone. They are the ones who will tell stories about you and laugh and cry when you are no longer physically here to be a part of those stories.
I have been thinking about some young adults that are connected to me through family and visualizing their lives 20 years from now. As to whether I am here to see that depends on when I am called to go home.
I guess what I have been able to grasp is that we get one shot at this thing called life. How we handle ourselves and those connected to us will be the legacy that we leave behind. I think about several celebrity stars that have already left this physical world. There are singers such as Elvis and Michael Jackson. What is the first thing that comes to your mind when you hear their name? Then there is Mother Theresa, and my not so famous grandmothers Virgie Nivens and Euna Gowdy. I think about the legacy they have left behind. Mother Theresa had such a passion for those in poverty. I just get a little overwhelmed when I think about all that she did while here for her span of life (1910-1997) on this earth. I think about my grandma Gowdy (1904-2002). She and Papaw gave birth to 5 children, 12 grandchildren, and a host of great, and great-great grandchildren. Their legacy lives on… and on….and on.¬ I sometimes wonder if I do justice to living up to my heritage. I know that my grandparents were very well known in their community. They supported their church, helped out their neighbors and worked in their community. They knew how to work hard, how to plan and have fun and when to take time to rest.
I look at the high tech world that we have evolved into and I wonder if we truly know how to do these things. We go to work, play more on Facebook than we work, grab a quick lunch (inhale what we call fast food!) shuffle through the afternoon and hurry to get home before the traffic has us locked in! We go home, change into comfy clothes and collapse and just want to veg-out! Now that is the good life, right?
Our week consists of 168 hours, minus approximately 56 hours to sleep. If you work 40 hours and just add 10 for commute we have approximately 60 hours to do something with. Bear with me, my point is that we have a lot of hours to do something in our lives that will be what we leave as our legacy. As I start to peel back the onion and we start to discover who we are, I will start with 56 hours of sleep. I don’t want to be harsh, but who do you sleep with? Are you single and therefore sleep by yourself? Are you married and you get to curl up next to your one and only, the one you made a commitment to be with for the rest of your life? I will leave it up to you as to what the other options are.
As we move through the day, we work approximately 8-9 hours a day. Let me clarify that, we are at work 8-9 hours a day. Questions arise as to how much of that time is actually spent “working”. Do you see yourself giving your best to this time? I believe in having fun and enjoying work, but FB isn’t work! Integrity used to be a quality that we all worked to have as a part of our resume. I don’t know if that word still exists as criteria for getting a job, or does it just come into play when something is missing!
As I think about the hours that we continue to fill our time with, that is what we are leaving as a legacy. If I spend time with my spouse, time with the needy, time with children ( mine or not mine), time with elderly, time in the bar, time with the slot machines, time with buddies, all of this adds up to who I am and what I am leaving behind.
You get one chance at this. Don’t blow it by spending time in places where no one really knows who you are, no one really cares who you are or when you will come back. Spend your time wisely with those you love and those who care if you come and go in their lives. Those are the people who will allow your legacy to live on after you are gone. They are the ones who will tell stories about you and laugh and cry when you are no longer physically here to be a part of those stories.
Thursday, November 25, 2010
MEMORIES
I got a phone call yesterday from a very special lady that was instrumental in me being where I am today. I found her youngest daughter through Facebook and we exchanged information and she called me. What a joy! I have not talked with her since 1977. I have lived a lifetime since I have seen or heard from her and her family.
I have to back up a few years to explain. I was living with my sister and her husband in Ft Worth and working at a drug store. I had moved there after graduating from high school. My parents were separated and I made the decision to go to work instead of to college. I was there for about 3 months when Toni called me and told me that she and her family had moved there to work in a church on the south side of Ft Worth. She wanted me to come to church with her. I was mixed up and had just recently broken off an engagement, so basically I just wanted to be left alone for a while. She was very kind to me and told me to call her if I needed anything. She discretely told me about a young man that was home from college because his dad was sick. She said he was such a nice young man and she just knew that I would enjoy meeting him. I told her I was not interested in church or her nice young man. That was in September.
The months dragged on and winter was headed our way. One night I was at my apartment and I just broke down and started crying. I was lonesome and had nowhere to go. I eventually picked up the phone and called Toni and asked her if she could meet me for church the next morning. I did not know until the next day that she had been out of town all week at a retreat and had just gotten home.
The next morning as I walked up the sidewalk of the church to find Toni, I looked up and saw her with a young man standing beside her. She introduced us and then explained that he would take me to the Sunday school room and then bring me back to her when it was over.
To make a long story short, we met, we talked, we went out on a date that evening and four days later he asked me to marry him. He had to return to school in mid January and he came home to see me about every four or five weeks until school was out for that year. We got married in June of that year (1974) and will celebrate our 37th year of knowing each other this year, December 16, 1973-2010.
Steve and I have done a whole lot of living in the past 37 years. We have 4 beautiful children and 7 grandchildren. We have done so many wonderful things together that it would take another lifetime to write it all down.
I look back after receiving this phone call yesterday and I know that it was ordained through God for Toni and Gary Perryman to move from Amarillo to Ft Worth so that I would have what I have today! To my friends Toni and Gary: I will forever be indebted to you for diligently sticking by me during a very rough period in my life.
Thank You seems like such a small thing to say, but there are no other words. From the bottom of my heart: I love you and I am so glad that God brought you into my life! I am also glad that He has given me the opportunity to once again have you back with me!
I have to back up a few years to explain. I was living with my sister and her husband in Ft Worth and working at a drug store. I had moved there after graduating from high school. My parents were separated and I made the decision to go to work instead of to college. I was there for about 3 months when Toni called me and told me that she and her family had moved there to work in a church on the south side of Ft Worth. She wanted me to come to church with her. I was mixed up and had just recently broken off an engagement, so basically I just wanted to be left alone for a while. She was very kind to me and told me to call her if I needed anything. She discretely told me about a young man that was home from college because his dad was sick. She said he was such a nice young man and she just knew that I would enjoy meeting him. I told her I was not interested in church or her nice young man. That was in September.
The months dragged on and winter was headed our way. One night I was at my apartment and I just broke down and started crying. I was lonesome and had nowhere to go. I eventually picked up the phone and called Toni and asked her if she could meet me for church the next morning. I did not know until the next day that she had been out of town all week at a retreat and had just gotten home.
The next morning as I walked up the sidewalk of the church to find Toni, I looked up and saw her with a young man standing beside her. She introduced us and then explained that he would take me to the Sunday school room and then bring me back to her when it was over.
To make a long story short, we met, we talked, we went out on a date that evening and four days later he asked me to marry him. He had to return to school in mid January and he came home to see me about every four or five weeks until school was out for that year. We got married in June of that year (1974) and will celebrate our 37th year of knowing each other this year, December 16, 1973-2010.
Steve and I have done a whole lot of living in the past 37 years. We have 4 beautiful children and 7 grandchildren. We have done so many wonderful things together that it would take another lifetime to write it all down.
I look back after receiving this phone call yesterday and I know that it was ordained through God for Toni and Gary Perryman to move from Amarillo to Ft Worth so that I would have what I have today! To my friends Toni and Gary: I will forever be indebted to you for diligently sticking by me during a very rough period in my life.
Thank You seems like such a small thing to say, but there are no other words. From the bottom of my heart: I love you and I am so glad that God brought you into my life! I am also glad that He has given me the opportunity to once again have you back with me!
Sunday, June 20, 2010
Fathers Day Without My Dad
Today is my first Father’s Day in 55 years that I do not have a dad to call or send a card or gift to. It feels odd, sad, and really weird but the reality is that my dad is no longer here with us. All I have today is memories to carry me through.
I remember when I was young my dad ran a service station. It was a Texaco station. My dad was so proud to wear that uniform. The Texaco slogan was:”You can trust your car to the man who wears the star” and my dad was that kind of man. If he worked on your car, it was fixed when he got through with it. We left there when I was 12, and all that remains is an empty building that has a faint outline of the word TEXACO.
My dad went on to work for Bell Helicopter in Amarillo, TX, Cummins Diesel, Fruehauf, and later moved to work at Lone Star Steel in East Texas, before retiring. He loved the lake and fishing was his favorite hobby. He loved to smoke meat for us when we would come to visit. He always made sure there was food on his table for us to enjoy. He was also a gardener. He has always had fresh veggies up until the last couple of years of his life. In an enviable way, my dad knew what he enjoyed and he did those things on a daily basis.
Times were not always easy with my dad, but isn’t it funny that when you let go of the bitterness you feel toward someone, the memories are good ones. My dad was headstrong, determined and things were to be done a certain way. But that was ok. At least he had a way for things to be done. He was meticulous about his tools, for which I am glad that has rubbed off on me. His tools were his livelihood. If you did take care of them…. You didn’t have anything to provide a living with.
As you go through today calling your dad, or having lunch with your dad or just visiting with your dad build some memories that will sustain you in years to come. Because, there will come a day when memories are all you have.
I remember when I was young my dad ran a service station. It was a Texaco station. My dad was so proud to wear that uniform. The Texaco slogan was:”You can trust your car to the man who wears the star” and my dad was that kind of man. If he worked on your car, it was fixed when he got through with it. We left there when I was 12, and all that remains is an empty building that has a faint outline of the word TEXACO.
My dad went on to work for Bell Helicopter in Amarillo, TX, Cummins Diesel, Fruehauf, and later moved to work at Lone Star Steel in East Texas, before retiring. He loved the lake and fishing was his favorite hobby. He loved to smoke meat for us when we would come to visit. He always made sure there was food on his table for us to enjoy. He was also a gardener. He has always had fresh veggies up until the last couple of years of his life. In an enviable way, my dad knew what he enjoyed and he did those things on a daily basis.
Times were not always easy with my dad, but isn’t it funny that when you let go of the bitterness you feel toward someone, the memories are good ones. My dad was headstrong, determined and things were to be done a certain way. But that was ok. At least he had a way for things to be done. He was meticulous about his tools, for which I am glad that has rubbed off on me. His tools were his livelihood. If you did take care of them…. You didn’t have anything to provide a living with.
As you go through today calling your dad, or having lunch with your dad or just visiting with your dad build some memories that will sustain you in years to come. Because, there will come a day when memories are all you have.
Saturday, June 19, 2010
A Screeching Halt
I find it amazing and a little humorous at what it takes for us to come to a complete halt in what we are doing. For me, it was a blown out back. I mean hurt, gut-wrenching pain that stopped me in my tracks. I found myself in a position of ninty degrees, looking at the ground when trying to stand up. I have found after 2 trips to the emergency room at 2 different hospitals, CT scans and x-rays and numerous iv’s and pain medications, and 7 trips to a chiropractor that I have damaged my sciatic nerve in the lower portion of my back. Needless to say, I have found what makes me stop in my tracks.
During the past 2 weeks I have been out of my bed only for a bath, shower and doctor visits. I tried to get up and eat at the table, but that did not work well. It is very interesting to just lay here and watch the world go by around you. My mom, sister and her family are headed to the Bahamas. My inlaws have headed to Sweetwater, Tennessee for a weekend getaway. My daughter is teaching a class this morning. My granddaughter is going to go see Toy Story 3 at the new movie theater. My nephew and his wife are taking his 2 kids to see the movie also. Two of my best friends are just getting back from youth camp. Steve has mowed the lawn, cleaned the truck and is headed up to the car wash with my vehicle. He has asked me to make a grocery list and see what we have in the pantry that we can work with for food next week. Humm…. That would require standing up.
I am not whining about not being able to move. I am more intrigued with what it feels like and what it does to my emotions to not be able to move. I never really think much about what it is like to have to be totally still or even just not be able to get myself around. Steve has been waiting on me all week, bringing me food and water and whatever I needed. I don’t sit around much, so this is really difficult if just from the physical stand point. I have not been able to do one single thing in the last week that I do on a normal basis.
And you are thinking…. So, what is your point? Thought you would never ask. I find that I am needed. I do a lot to help make some other people’s lives easier. I have an encouraging spirit that is missed and therefore someone that would normally have a perky attitude is having a rough week. Someone that normally has a smile on their face because I helped put it there with some silly, witty wise crack or joke is not smiling today. Maybe there was a woman that walked into my work place and had just received some disturbing news about her health and needed the encouragement to start working out with us, but I was not there to smile, hug her and tell her that we are going to help her get through this. My point is that all of us have something that someone else needs. I am nothing special, except through the Lord. I know that if I am willing, He can use me in mighty ways. Not necessarily to rock the house down, just to help someone make it through something. We are all connected to each other. I think about my Bryan and his infectious smile and silly giggle. There are a lot of people that need to hear that on a daily basis. I think about my mom and her ability to just listen, and I know she has a lot of people that depend on her to do just that. I think about my grandchildren and wonder what will be in store for them.
Don't sell yourself short. God has many purposes for you being here today. Think about your abilities and then about those whose lives you touch and what they would be like without you. There will most likely be places were you can say "Job well done!" and places where you may need to step it up a bit. Who in your life is looking at you and you are the only "Jesus" they will ever know?
During the past 2 weeks I have been out of my bed only for a bath, shower and doctor visits. I tried to get up and eat at the table, but that did not work well. It is very interesting to just lay here and watch the world go by around you. My mom, sister and her family are headed to the Bahamas. My inlaws have headed to Sweetwater, Tennessee for a weekend getaway. My daughter is teaching a class this morning. My granddaughter is going to go see Toy Story 3 at the new movie theater. My nephew and his wife are taking his 2 kids to see the movie also. Two of my best friends are just getting back from youth camp. Steve has mowed the lawn, cleaned the truck and is headed up to the car wash with my vehicle. He has asked me to make a grocery list and see what we have in the pantry that we can work with for food next week. Humm…. That would require standing up.
I am not whining about not being able to move. I am more intrigued with what it feels like and what it does to my emotions to not be able to move. I never really think much about what it is like to have to be totally still or even just not be able to get myself around. Steve has been waiting on me all week, bringing me food and water and whatever I needed. I don’t sit around much, so this is really difficult if just from the physical stand point. I have not been able to do one single thing in the last week that I do on a normal basis.
And you are thinking…. So, what is your point? Thought you would never ask. I find that I am needed. I do a lot to help make some other people’s lives easier. I have an encouraging spirit that is missed and therefore someone that would normally have a perky attitude is having a rough week. Someone that normally has a smile on their face because I helped put it there with some silly, witty wise crack or joke is not smiling today. Maybe there was a woman that walked into my work place and had just received some disturbing news about her health and needed the encouragement to start working out with us, but I was not there to smile, hug her and tell her that we are going to help her get through this. My point is that all of us have something that someone else needs. I am nothing special, except through the Lord. I know that if I am willing, He can use me in mighty ways. Not necessarily to rock the house down, just to help someone make it through something. We are all connected to each other. I think about my Bryan and his infectious smile and silly giggle. There are a lot of people that need to hear that on a daily basis. I think about my mom and her ability to just listen, and I know she has a lot of people that depend on her to do just that. I think about my grandchildren and wonder what will be in store for them.
Don't sell yourself short. God has many purposes for you being here today. Think about your abilities and then about those whose lives you touch and what they would be like without you. There will most likely be places were you can say "Job well done!" and places where you may need to step it up a bit. Who in your life is looking at you and you are the only "Jesus" they will ever know?
Tuesday, March 2, 2010
Changing MY Family Tree
I have spent the past 6 weeks in Texas with my family due to the death of my dad. I have visited places that I have not seen in over 35 years. I have also spent time with my sisters and their families that I have not had the luxury of doing for many years.
I have had lots of time to reflect on my days of growing up in a small rural town in north Texas where the terrain is so flat that you can literally see for miles and miles. There is an abundance of oil wells, long horn cattle and cotton farming as far as the eye can see. I spent several days with my relatives in a small town known for growing cotton. I talked extensively with my uncle, who has been farming for as long as I can remember. They have 2 cotton gins in their community that have been going non-stop since just after Thanksgiving of last year. Even though for them it has been a hectic, productive season, I find that stepping into their world is such a change of pace. It is calm and serene. They are overflowing with manners and hospitality. I was made to feel like a very special guest in their home, when in reality I am just one of 8 nieces and nephews that have passed through their doors.
After spending the time with my family, I am determined to change some things in my life and continue to teach my adult children and lead them by example. I spent quite a bit of time with my mom trying to help her figure out what she is going to do, now that my dad is gone. After extensive research with past expenses, we spent hours trying to figure out if she could remain in the house she is in, or is she going to have to pack up and move to a smaller cheaper place. My mom talked extensively about her and dads financial business. I find it odd that they would not discuss any of this with us when he was alive. It was like they had this income and was afraid we would want it. I guess what I am trying to say and doing a poor job of it is that this generation seems to always be afraid someone is going to take something from them. I know that no one is going to take my money, unless I let them. This is just a small example of a difference in generations and how they deal with life. My parents have set back and waited for the day when they could retire and the government would take care of them with social security… and now find that it is not enough…. But they have no time to really do anything about it. They complain because they did not get a $20 a month cost of living raise, like this is really going to make them rich. I hope this does not come across like I am bashing my parents, I am not. This is the reality of where they are as a generation that came through the great depression and had to scrap to have food on their table. They learned some hard lessons about life that I will never know about.
On the other hand, I hope real retirement never comes for me. I am on a journey to find a new career at age 55 and can’t wait to see what is around the corner for me. I also want my adult children and my grand children to know what money is and to know how to make it behave. I want them to be blessed, have enough of it to enjoy life and know how to boss it around instead of it running, or ruining their life. I want them to know how to make their money behave just as I expect them to teach their children to behave.
I have also been painfully reminded of a man that did not know how to show love. I was over forty years old before my dad really got the concept of putting his arms around me and telling me that he loved me. Now that he is gone, I have late memories of him always telling me bye and crying and telling me how much he loved me. My last words with him were at Christmas this past year when I spent an afternoon in their home.
As I visited the panhandle this past month with my mom I was fully aware of how blessed I was to have grandparents and aunts and uncles around me to give me some wonderful memories to carry me through life. For whatever this generation of my parents was or was not…they knew how to welcome you into their home and show you true Texan hospitality. I went back to places from my childhood memories to find comfort in the memories of visiting my grandparents during the summers, only to find that the houses were gone, or in shambles. Nothing was like I remember it to be.
I am thankful that others have gone before me in life and I am not the first one trying to figure this out. I am glad that I have examples and I have the freedom to choose what I like and do not like. I have the freedom to make choices of the road I want my life to take. I want to set an example for my children and grandchildren, knowing that they will look at what I have done and they will have the privilege of choosing whether to follow in these footsteps or make prints of their own. As the snow continues to fall today, I look out on my deck and wonder what their footprints will look like years from now. I wish for them to have a life that they will be pleased with and that will be pleasing to the Lord. I want them to be kind to each other, to love each other and to accept the differences we have within our family. I want them to understand that we are leaving our legacy behind for others to have as their own.
I have had lots of time to reflect on my days of growing up in a small rural town in north Texas where the terrain is so flat that you can literally see for miles and miles. There is an abundance of oil wells, long horn cattle and cotton farming as far as the eye can see. I spent several days with my relatives in a small town known for growing cotton. I talked extensively with my uncle, who has been farming for as long as I can remember. They have 2 cotton gins in their community that have been going non-stop since just after Thanksgiving of last year. Even though for them it has been a hectic, productive season, I find that stepping into their world is such a change of pace. It is calm and serene. They are overflowing with manners and hospitality. I was made to feel like a very special guest in their home, when in reality I am just one of 8 nieces and nephews that have passed through their doors.
After spending the time with my family, I am determined to change some things in my life and continue to teach my adult children and lead them by example. I spent quite a bit of time with my mom trying to help her figure out what she is going to do, now that my dad is gone. After extensive research with past expenses, we spent hours trying to figure out if she could remain in the house she is in, or is she going to have to pack up and move to a smaller cheaper place. My mom talked extensively about her and dads financial business. I find it odd that they would not discuss any of this with us when he was alive. It was like they had this income and was afraid we would want it. I guess what I am trying to say and doing a poor job of it is that this generation seems to always be afraid someone is going to take something from them. I know that no one is going to take my money, unless I let them. This is just a small example of a difference in generations and how they deal with life. My parents have set back and waited for the day when they could retire and the government would take care of them with social security… and now find that it is not enough…. But they have no time to really do anything about it. They complain because they did not get a $20 a month cost of living raise, like this is really going to make them rich. I hope this does not come across like I am bashing my parents, I am not. This is the reality of where they are as a generation that came through the great depression and had to scrap to have food on their table. They learned some hard lessons about life that I will never know about.
On the other hand, I hope real retirement never comes for me. I am on a journey to find a new career at age 55 and can’t wait to see what is around the corner for me. I also want my adult children and my grand children to know what money is and to know how to make it behave. I want them to be blessed, have enough of it to enjoy life and know how to boss it around instead of it running, or ruining their life. I want them to know how to make their money behave just as I expect them to teach their children to behave.
I have also been painfully reminded of a man that did not know how to show love. I was over forty years old before my dad really got the concept of putting his arms around me and telling me that he loved me. Now that he is gone, I have late memories of him always telling me bye and crying and telling me how much he loved me. My last words with him were at Christmas this past year when I spent an afternoon in their home.
As I visited the panhandle this past month with my mom I was fully aware of how blessed I was to have grandparents and aunts and uncles around me to give me some wonderful memories to carry me through life. For whatever this generation of my parents was or was not…they knew how to welcome you into their home and show you true Texan hospitality. I went back to places from my childhood memories to find comfort in the memories of visiting my grandparents during the summers, only to find that the houses were gone, or in shambles. Nothing was like I remember it to be.
I am thankful that others have gone before me in life and I am not the first one trying to figure this out. I am glad that I have examples and I have the freedom to choose what I like and do not like. I have the freedom to make choices of the road I want my life to take. I want to set an example for my children and grandchildren, knowing that they will look at what I have done and they will have the privilege of choosing whether to follow in these footsteps or make prints of their own. As the snow continues to fall today, I look out on my deck and wonder what their footprints will look like years from now. I wish for them to have a life that they will be pleased with and that will be pleasing to the Lord. I want them to be kind to each other, to love each other and to accept the differences we have within our family. I want them to understand that we are leaving our legacy behind for others to have as their own.
Saturday, February 13, 2010
Time is Marching On
I have spent a truly amazing day with some of my family here in the Houston area. My mom and I drove here yesterday from Burleson. We have managed to see all of my kids and grand kids and my sister’s twin step sons. We spent the morning playing with kids and then took my mom to one of her favorite restaurants for lunch. Mom and I kept Lindsay and Shelby while their parents took off to get some supplies for this next week. Both of the girls went off to sleep and mom and I sat by the fireplace and watched a little tv. I am reminded of how simple something can be, but still have so much meaning. It was good to see my mom relaxed and at home in my youngest daughter’s house.
We took off this afternoon for downtown Houston to met Jarrod and Tyler at Rice University. They met us outside their dorm and showed us around the campus. What an experience it was for my mom to see something that she has just heard them talk about. I have watched my mom on this trip, making sure that she was physically up to doing everything that we were putting in front of her. She walked all around the campus with us and went up to see both of the boys dorm rooms. She asked a lot of questions and was truly interested in their lives. After we toured the campus Jarrod and Tyler asked us to go out to eat with them. Angie and her family met us in downtown Houston where we ate and visited. My mom is 83 years young and truly amazes me.
As I pulled up my Blog tonight I was once again sharply reminded that my dad is no longer with us and that is why my mom and I are hear in Houston visiting family. I sat for a few minutes pondering how my dad would react to what we have done today and I know that he would be very proud for what Mom has seen and done. My mom has spent the past 3 years taking sole responsibility of my dad. She only left the house to attend church on Sunday morning and also to buy groceries and medicine. I watch her and see that time has not stood still for her while she was doing this. She is not quite as quick on her feet as she was 3 years ago. She also tires a little quicker than she used to. I am trying to get used to Mom in a different way. I find myself waiting on her instead of her waiting on me. I am finding this to be a privilege instead of a burden. I find myself wondering how many more years I will get to have with her, all the time aware that time itself is marching on, waiting for no one.
I do not know what tomorrow holds for any of us. I look at my 5 precious grandchildren and wonder if they will get to know me like my kids know their grandmother. As time marches on, I am making a commitment to fill my life with as much happiness, hope and positive affirmation for my family that is humanly possible to pack into each moment. I am once again reminded that I cannot control time, I can only control what I do with myself during time.
We took off this afternoon for downtown Houston to met Jarrod and Tyler at Rice University. They met us outside their dorm and showed us around the campus. What an experience it was for my mom to see something that she has just heard them talk about. I have watched my mom on this trip, making sure that she was physically up to doing everything that we were putting in front of her. She walked all around the campus with us and went up to see both of the boys dorm rooms. She asked a lot of questions and was truly interested in their lives. After we toured the campus Jarrod and Tyler asked us to go out to eat with them. Angie and her family met us in downtown Houston where we ate and visited. My mom is 83 years young and truly amazes me.
As I pulled up my Blog tonight I was once again sharply reminded that my dad is no longer with us and that is why my mom and I are hear in Houston visiting family. I sat for a few minutes pondering how my dad would react to what we have done today and I know that he would be very proud for what Mom has seen and done. My mom has spent the past 3 years taking sole responsibility of my dad. She only left the house to attend church on Sunday morning and also to buy groceries and medicine. I watch her and see that time has not stood still for her while she was doing this. She is not quite as quick on her feet as she was 3 years ago. She also tires a little quicker than she used to. I am trying to get used to Mom in a different way. I find myself waiting on her instead of her waiting on me. I am finding this to be a privilege instead of a burden. I find myself wondering how many more years I will get to have with her, all the time aware that time itself is marching on, waiting for no one.
I do not know what tomorrow holds for any of us. I look at my 5 precious grandchildren and wonder if they will get to know me like my kids know their grandmother. As time marches on, I am making a commitment to fill my life with as much happiness, hope and positive affirmation for my family that is humanly possible to pack into each moment. I am once again reminded that I cannot control time, I can only control what I do with myself during time.
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