Changing MY Family Tree

I have spent the past 6 weeks in Texas with my family due to the death of my dad. I have visited places that I have not seen in over 35 years. I have also spent time with my sisters and their families that I have not had the luxury of doing for many years.

I have had lots of time to reflect on my days of growing up in a small rural town in north Texas where the terrain is so flat that you can literally see for miles and miles. There is an abundance of oil wells, long horn cattle and cotton farming as far as the eye can see. I spent several days with my relatives in a small town known for growing cotton. I talked extensively with my uncle, who has been farming for as long as I can remember. They have 2 cotton gins in their community that have been going non-stop since just after Thanksgiving of last year. Even though for them it has been a hectic, productive season, I find that stepping into their world is such a change of pace. It is calm and serene. They are overflowing with manners and hospitality. I was made to feel like a very special guest in their home, when in reality I am just one of 8 nieces and nephews that have passed through their doors.

After spending the time with my family, I am determined to change some things in my life and continue to teach my adult children and lead them by example. I spent quite a bit of time with my mom trying to help her figure out what she is going to do, now that my dad is gone. After extensive research with past expenses, we spent hours trying to figure out if she could remain in the house she is in, or is she going to have to pack up and move to a smaller cheaper place. My mom talked extensively about her and dads financial business. I find it odd that they would not discuss any of this with us when he was alive. It was like they had this income and was afraid we would want it. I guess what I am trying to say and doing a poor job of it is that this generation seems to always be afraid someone is going to take something from them. I know that no one is going to take my money, unless I let them. This is just a small example of a difference in generations and how they deal with life. My parents have set back and waited for the day when they could retire and the government would take care of them with social security… and now find that it is not enough…. But they have no time to really do anything about it. They complain because they did not get a $20 a month cost of living raise, like this is really going to make them rich. I hope this does not come across like I am bashing my parents, I am not. This is the reality of where they are as a generation that came through the great depression and had to scrap to have food on their table. They learned some hard lessons about life that I will never know about.

On the other hand, I hope real retirement never comes for me. I am on a journey to find a new career at age 55 and can’t wait to see what is around the corner for me. I also want my adult children and my grand children to know what money is and to know how to make it behave. I want them to be blessed, have enough of it to enjoy life and know how to boss it around instead of it running, or ruining their life. I want them to know how to make their money behave just as I expect them to teach their children to behave.

I have also been painfully reminded of a man that did not know how to show love. I was over forty years old before my dad really got the concept of putting his arms around me and telling me that he loved me. Now that he is gone, I have late memories of him always telling me bye and crying and telling me how much he loved me. My last words with him were at Christmas this past year when I spent an afternoon in their home.

As I visited the panhandle this past month with my mom I was fully aware of how blessed I was to have grandparents and aunts and uncles around me to give me some wonderful memories to carry me through life. For whatever this generation of my parents was or was not…they knew how to welcome you into their home and show you true Texan hospitality. I went back to places from my childhood memories to find comfort in the memories of visiting my grandparents during the summers, only to find that the houses were gone, or in shambles. Nothing was like I remember it to be.

I am thankful that others have gone before me in life and I am not the first one trying to figure this out. I am glad that I have examples and I have the freedom to choose what I like and do not like. I have the freedom to make choices of the road I want my life to take. I want to set an example for my children and grandchildren, knowing that they will look at what I have done and they will have the privilege of choosing whether to follow in these footsteps or make prints of their own. As the snow continues to fall today, I look out on my deck and wonder what their footprints will look like years from now. I wish for them to have a life that they will be pleased with and that will be pleasing to the Lord. I want them to be kind to each other, to love each other and to accept the differences we have within our family. I want them to understand that we are leaving our legacy behind for others to have as their own.